Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
