I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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