i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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