So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
