Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
