Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize