I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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