When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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