I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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