Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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