im drinking this country out of the recession.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
