Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
3pm strippers are depressing
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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