Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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