You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
