Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize