god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
