Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
What a dumb baby whore.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
