Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
