After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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