i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
