oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
