i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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