I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
