You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
