When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
