we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
