I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Who died my cat blue again?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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