There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
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