tell your sister to shave her snatch
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
