He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
