Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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