Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize