nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
