like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
