He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
