Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
