Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize