this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I am one with the molecules
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
