Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
