imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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