If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
