You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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