I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
