I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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