I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
