Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
