What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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