You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
