i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This baby is an asshole
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
