McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
