He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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