Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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