I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We have started to decorate penises.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
