"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize