can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
