I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
