I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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