I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize