I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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