the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
