dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
