Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
