I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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