omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize