how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
