A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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