I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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