I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
