this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
