I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
