I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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