I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
