Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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