i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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