i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
