Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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