Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
