Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize