she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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