I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
