Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
