Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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