There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
