The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
