after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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