I need help removing her.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
