this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
