So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
