The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
