handjob tips. give me some.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize