I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
