I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
